In Honor of Nikolina
Crash Anniversary: July 6, 2014
Hometown: Rockland County, NY
"After some complication during labor resulting in an unplanned C-Section, Nikolina made her debut into this world on Friday, June 6, 2014 @ 6:37pm. She was born healthy and perfect with a full head of curly hair and the most beautiful big, alert brown eyes and a very healthy appetite.
On Sunday, July 6 – Nikolina’s 1 month birthday, Nikolina’s Dad, Rocky was coaching a men’s baseball game at Manhattanville College. Nikolina and I decided to tag along and sit under a big shady tree setting up a small picnic area for ourselves, away from the crowd and away from any risk of a foul ball coming our way. The game was a victory for Rocky’s team, winning by 10 runs.
After the game, we packed up our car. As usual, Nikolina was securely riding in her seat located in the middle back of Rocky’s Jeep Grand Cherokee, I sat in the back passenger side and Rocky drove.
At around 3 pm, about 2 miles from our house, driving North on Route 9W, Rocky and I were discussing if we should go someplace outside to continue enjoying the gorgeous weather that day. It was during this conversation, I saw a red car heading south, coming around the sharp curve of the mountain, at a high rate of speed and swerving uncontrollably, crossing over the double yellow line.
I watched this red car slam into the driver side of a silver car that was a ways ahead of us.
I started screaming that the car was going to hit us and my instinct was to protect my baby. I put my left arm over the top of Nikolina’s car seat to try and prevent her seat from being ejected. In those tiny seconds I had, I braced my baby and myself the best I could for what I saw coming towards us.
The force of the impact was incredible and the crunching of smash was very loud….At impact all the airbags deployed and I was fully aware that my face was plowed into a white airbag.
After the airbags deflated, I ended up on the back floor of Rocky’s Jeep Grand Cherokee not being able to move my left leg at all.
But I didn’t care about my leg, or heavily bleeding arm, I actually didn’t feel that much pain right then, my adrenaline was fierce.
My concern was my baby, my one month old tiny helpless baby girl – was not crying. She was not making any sound. I couldn’t get off the floor to see her. I thought she was dead.
I could see Rocky hunched over the steering wheel, bleeding. He was moaning in pain – but because he making sounds, I knew he was alive and breathing. Though from the look of how his body was and how the front end and driver side of the car was so smashed up on him – I thought he was paralyzed.
I started to panic in a way I can not even explain – that feeling thinking your baby is dead haunts me every single day.
I started to scream through the broken windows to the bystanders who had pulled over, to help us.
During that time Rocky became conscious and also started screaming that we had a newborn and needed help.
That was when I heard it. My baby girl started to cry - Nikolina was alive! I didn’t know if she was bleeding or hurt or what kind of injury she had – but she was crying. This was a scream of agony and pain…..but she was alive.
A man and a women came racing over to our car, and I told them I wanted Nikolina out immediately. The smell of gas, burnt rubber and metal scared me and I feared the car would catch on fire or explode.
I somehow unlatched Nikolina’s car seat – and lifted it over and handed my baby to these strangers. They stood where I could see them and they faced Nikolina to me so I could see that scared beautiful baby screaming out in pain.
During that time, I heard a lot of sirens and rescue vehicles approach. Many police offers, firemen, paramedics arrived and began helping. They assured me that my baby was OK but that she needed to go to the hospital. My parents were called to the scene and arrived to see the horror of what happened to their baby granddaughter, their daughter and their son in law.
I asked one of the police officers what happened to the other people in the cars – and it then that I was informed a drunk driver was behind the wheel of that red car. I couldn’t believe it. A drunk driver. A drunk driver did this to my baby.
It took an hour to cut Rocky out of the Jeep with the jaws of life, as both his legs were stuck and crushed in the car –– one of his sneakers is still in that car as they couldn’t even get it out.
I used my daughter’s baby blanket to shield his face from the sparks and shards while they cut the door and front end off of the car off to free him.
I was lifted onto a gurney and brought into a waiting ambulance that my daughter was also on. My Mom was allowed to come into the ambulance with us – and Rocky was placed in another ambulance.
We were all brought to Nyack Hospital where my daughter was whisked off, away from me. She had to endure an MRI and multiple testings – alone - with no Mommy by her side.
The MRI showed she had a fractured skull and brain injury and trauma. She needed to be transported to Westchester Medical for specified treatment. I begged my brother and Rocky's Mother, who had showed up to the ER in Nyack after hearing what happened to us, to go in the ambulance with her, so she was not alone.
After X-rays of my leg revealed a dislocated hip and shattered femur – the ER doctors at Nyack said I also needed to be transported to Westchester Medical.
Rocky's evaluation showed a sprained ankle - which I consider miraculous. He was treated and released.
I did not get to see my baby again that day. I had to hear updates from family and nurses. I heard how she was put in a neck brace, being given anti-seizure shots due to the head and brain trauma and that she got stitches under her left ear lobe. I heard she was not allowed to drink any milk and that she was being given fluids thru an IV…….can you even imagine this? I had to HEAR the reports on the status of my own little baby girl. I could not be there for her, to comfort, hold, stroke her face, her arm…I could not be there to tell her I loved her and that she was going to be OK…I was completely and totally helpless.
Eventually I was rolled, laying in my hospital bed, to my daughter’s room. Even being warned, there is no way to explain what it was like to see all those tubes coming out of her. To see the neck brace and hear her weak little cry from thirst and from not being able to move her little neck or body. I was not able to hold her or comfort her, only I was able to touch her little hand and talk to her.
During her 6 day hospital stay, Nikolina contracted a bacterial infection causing a high fever – a very big red flag in a month old infant. My baby was PUT UNDER, and a SPINAL TAP was performed – and once again I was not there.
Before surgery to repair my femur with 9 metal screws and clips, the doctor advised that I may not be able to walk again or if I did, I would have a permanent limp. I told him I can deal with a limp – but not being able to walk was out of the question.
I refused most visitors at the hospital not wanting to miss any opportunity to see my baby…though I did allow my Brother, Sister in Law and my then 6 year old niece in. After explaining to my niece what happened and why ”Aunt Kat” and “Cousin Nikolina” were in the hospital and why “Uncle Rocky” was restricted to a wheelchair with a big boot cast over his foot she had just one question. “Why would someone drink something then drive a car, if you are not supposed to do that?”
And it hit me then – a 6 year old, fresh out of Kindergarten gets it. YET a 25 year old did not.
After 6 days in the hospital, Nikolina’s team of doctors including her neurologist felt she was stable to be discharged. …Without me.
So once again I was helpless. Watching my baby be harnessed into her new car seat was a mix of gladness that she was going home, but anxiety and fear as she was going back into a car – and I was not there…….
After working hard with the physical therapist and learning to hobble with a walker, a couple days later, I was also discharged – Being reunited with my daughter was unexplainable.
Taking care of an infant while using a walker with a husband wearing a cast and using crutches was challenging. Our living room was transformed so a hospital bed could be brought in for me. My daughter's crib was brought down next to me and my husband slept in a lazy boy. Our dining room became our closet and we relied heavily on family and friends for everything – driving us to doctor appointments, physical therapy, picking up diapers, wipes formula, food..doing our laundry, cleaning or house, taking care of all our cats.
Part of our doctor follow-ups included Nikolina having to get more MRI’s to make sure that her fractured skull and brain trauma were healing.
Do you know how they do an MRI on an infant? They strap down their head, their arms and their legs, sticking foam pieces all around them so they do not move, they put big earmuffs over her head and then proceed to slide them into the big capsule with that constant pounding sound pulsing.
Though the court has ruled my injury as the most severe, I must respectfully disagree.
I think my daughter's head trauma is much more severe because any long term effects are an unknown at this point. She might have a speech impediment or learning disability. Any array of issues are yet to be determined until she is older. That unknown scares me."
-Kat, Nikolina's Mom